I would walk
I would walk
I would walk
I would walk
I would walk
I would walk
I would walk
I would walk
Feeling quite depressed and upset..
Lord, let your will be done.
*finding myself
500 miles;10:44 PM
This week has been a busy week, had a lot of make up sessions and the workload just keeps increasing and can't really take the pressure. Plus common test are coming and I'm still a bit lacking behind. Gosh!~ I really need to do something about my studies. Wen has been giving a lot of encouragement to me, she wants me to study hard and do well for my final year. I will promise to study hard and do well!~ I will not disappoint someone who is impt to me, plus i will also not disappoint my parents and lastly God. He has always been there for me and i can see that He has been really blessing me and molding me. So i shall not disappoint but giving glory to God.
Reflections:
I've been thinking a lot about the future. If I'm able to get a good job to support my family and stuff. And I want to be ready for a r/s. Been really praying about it and I want to be able to support a Godly r/s and really provide assurance and support to my partner. Sometimes i do wonder if she really would trust me to take care of her. I really do want to but i guess she's right, I'm not ready. Probably when I'm ready then that would be the right time. I do feel sad sometimes because I'm disappointed with myself for not being able to give her the full assurance she needs. As human desires, i would want to be with her but in a Godly desire i have to be patient and continue to prepare to be ready to start a r/s. Its so difficult to juggle human desires and Godly desires. To be honest, I'm feeling quite tired but moreover I feel she's the right one so I'm putting in my best effort and leaving the rest to God. Just wanna tell her how much she means to me and that I'm willing to put in any extra energy/effort for her.
Something side-tracked..
There's a trip coming and I'm very excited about it. I'll be going to Tioman during 15th-17th of june and i really hope this would be a good time to take a good rest and spending time with people. Building a stronger bond with each other and enjoying ourselves. All in all, i still want to commit the trip into God's hand because the trip is not yet confirmed. Hopefully it will be confirmed and everything would be smooth. Thank you Lord for everything even if we don't get to go, i'll still be thankful.
*wishing it was right; need more patience
500 miles;10:12 PM
My thoughts and feelings now are thankful. I see God really leading and he really does hear our prayers. All we need is that little faith to believe he will make things work out in His time. A little faith is all it takes to move mountains, faith that opens the Red Sea for Israelites to pass, faith in God that he knows what's best for you.. So many things that needs faith. So do we have faith that who we're believing is a true God that answers prayers? I believe that the God i believe in is true and he has always been taking care of me. God, thank you for everything and anything.
500 miles;11:38 PM
-Ter out
*missing her
500 miles;10:06 PM
A lot has been going through my mind, i wonder is God testing my patience or is it not His Will? I do wonder sometimes is God playing around with me? Its been 1 year, 11 months and 25 days since i've known her. From day 1 when i got to know her, i didn't feel that she was the right one but just as gradually knowing her better and all, it just hits me that she might be the right one. But of cos i would want God's plan to have her in it. Been praying countlessly and continously to ask God about this. I can see that God is really building and molding me through this process and can say i've matured quite a lot looking back. Guess the timing is not right yet.. But i feel that we've really been through quite a lot and got to know each other a substantial amount, still getting to know each other more.
Use to ask God for a chance to be together but I saw that it wasn't what God wants because i wasn't ready to maintain a r/s and moreover i couldn't even take care of myself, how could i take care of an extra person. Like she told me yesterday about how i couldn't take care of myself, it shook me and made me realise that a simple task which i cannot fulfil on myself. From now on, i will take care of myself and I really want to thank her for accompanying me to the doctor, open the hot porridge for me and remind me to take my medication and accompanying me for dinner in the night though she was busy. I wish so badly that my partner would be her, it just so inevitable to think that way but i promised to be just a very good friend. Just a bit sadden about some things but i'm still happy that God has put her in my life even though nothing turns out, we can still be friends. I just pray that God would just give her all the happiness and really bless her. Even if I would not be the right one for her, I would pray that the one for her would really take care of her and that i'll be happy. Lord, i just wait upon you.
A special day today too. Mother's day! Wishing all mother's a very Happy Mother's day! =) I'm giving my mum the best present of the century and guess what, just be a obedient son and keep her in my prayers everyday.
I leave all these into your hands Lord, please continue to guide me and renew my faith in you..
*waiting upon the Lord
500 miles;3:50 PM
Hillsong - Through it all
You are forever in my life
You see me through the seasons
Cover me with Your hand
And lead me in Your righteousness
And I look to You
And I wait on You
I will sing to You, Lord
A hymn of love
For Your faithfulness to me
I'm carried in everlasting arms
You'll never let me go
Through it all
Hallelujah, hallelujah
500 miles;9:25 PM
My trust and my faith is still in God. I don't know what will be ahead of me but still believing God would provide the Best. My feelings are just so mixed up. Don't know how to feel and how to react. God, i pray that you'll teach me and guide me. Thank you Lord for everything and anything.
*I know you may not want another round of talking again, i don't know what God is trying to tell me now. Probably its just me yet again that i'm feeling and thinking otherwise. But i will still remain the same until the right time. Let's pray about it and see how God will lead us.
500 miles;10:28 PM
On tuesday went out with Pei Wen for dinner, it was quite sudden but she agreed to it. So we went to bishan and had Ajisen Ramen. I ordered the most spicy ramen and she ordered beef ramen. After eating was sweating like a pig. Haha.
Some personal reflections:
I see my life going on quite smoothly, and plus i think my r/s with God has taken a step closer. But sometimes i do feel quite far from Him because of sin but i always pray for forgiveness and humble myself back before God. I don't know where is God leading me but i just trust that he would give me the best in His time. About the r/s thing, i think there's a closure to it and i think if i ever would think of finding a partner. It would be after Army cos i don't know if i will change in my perspective and views after Army. But somethings are still beyond my control, like how i still feel that she's still the right person. I guess its just my own feelings, that's all. I don't know how to put it in words but its not that i like her physically emotionally but as in some spiritual liking. Don't know man! Haha! I guess she's very special in her own unique ways. I pray that God would continue to lead her and guide her well. =)
500 miles;10:27 PM
Thank God for guiding me these 20 years and will continue to walk beside Him though it may be pain through the times of molding but i know he is always there to hold me up.
Thank my family for the support and encouragement they have given me, chances for me to change and believing in me that i would one day change.
Thank her for bringing a special meaning to my life and will always enjoy the time with her, her presence has brought me closer to God and i am thankful for her.